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| I hate not knowing what the "right thing" is. God speak, please. | | |
| Why do I keep writing in here? I'm totally not sure! I think it just amuses me for some reason. If I wanted to write something I knew someone would read, I would write it on facebook. And if I wanted to write something I knew no one would read then I would write in my own journal. I just have NO clue why I write in this xanga, haha-it really does crack me up for some reason! -But I might also be laughing because I'm tired and slap happy, whatevs! God is SO faithful. His love is so deep and unending it amazes me. There has NEVER been a time (since I came back to the Lord) that I think about God's love and am not brought to tears in complete awe of the revelation God has given me thus far. Also, the revelation grows more and more each and every time I ask for it, and even when I don't ask! -And He'll never stop shining a new light on different aspects of His love because it can always be searched more! AH! I love Him. Today God reminded me of a few words that were given to me my first School of Worship year: The words were about how God is blind-folding me, and taking my hand while He walks me down certain paths. I'm not to be scared, but I'm to fully trust Him and enjoy the romantic adventure He's taking me on! It's not something to be anxious or worrisome about, but rather to feel wooed (is that a word?!) by. How beautiful is that?!? AH! That's another thing that always make cry! Ha, ha-I think maybe everything makes me cry. Ha! I don't accept uncertainity and lack of future plans very well, and so God uses that very part of my character to take me on crazy adventures and romance me. He's so patient and gracious. He CHOSE to love me, and I never have and never will deserve-yet He continues in His choice of love. Thank You God for amazing grace. *ah*-cheers to the empty cyber world. I'm gonna need a lot of coffee tomorrow. Holy Spirit fill me! It is a mystery to me how people make it through the day without God. | | |
| re·fresh  // ![](\"http://cache.lexico.com/g/d/speaker.gif\") ", "6"); interfaceflash.addParam("loop", "false"); interfaceflash.addParam("quality", "high"); interfaceflash.addParam("menu", "false"); interfaceflash.addParam("salign", "t"); interfaceflash.addParam("FlashVars", "soundUrl=http%3A%2F%2Fcache.lexico.com%2Fdictionary%2Faudio%2Fluna%2FR01%2FR0152800.mp3"); interfaceflash.write(); // ]]> –verb (used with object) | 1. | to provide new vigor and energy by rest, food, etc. (often used reflexively). |
| 2. | to stimulate (the memory). |
| 3. | to make fresh again; reinvigorate or cheer (a person, the mind, spirits, etc.). |
| 4. | to freshen in appearance, color, etc., as by a restorative. |
| 5. | Computers. | a. | to display (an image) repeatedly, as on a CRT, in order to prevent fading. |
| b. | to read and write (the contents of dynamic storage) at intervals in order to avoid loss of data. |
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–verb (used without object) | 6. | to take refreshment, esp. food or drink. |
| 7. | to become fresh or vigorous again; revive. |
Dear God, Please refresh me. I need Your help, and I know You made me that way :). Love, Sarah | | |
| I am sitting on the front porch in the dark, with the only light shining come from my laptop (and the few cars passing by). Where I would normally be creeped out by such blackness, I am some out perfectly content in the summer’s dark warmth. I just needed to write, and quickly…my hand is too slow to write down in a journal right now. I needed to type, and I needed to be somewhere where I felt I couldn’t be contained. Anyway, that’s why I’m sitting where I am. I feel a bit lost. What I thought was certain-is not. I feel like my recent situation only emphasizes the fact that God is in control, and even though I feel I have the final say in some bits of life….I most definitely do not. I don’t even know why I’m typing this, I don’t even know where I’m going with it. Maybe I will put this on xanga-(though no one reads it ,ha)-there’s something daring about putting your inner thoughts somewhere available for anyone to read. I feel hurt, let down, and disappointed. I feel a bit ashamed, like maybe I missed God again. In an area where you’ve struggled your entire life-its beyond humbling to be knocked down on your butt even after you felt you’d conquered your “issue” once and for all. (Rex, my roommie’s dog is sitting at the glass door, barking at the 3-legged dog going for a walk across the street…ha). I love that dog, and it’s owner. It’s this big ol’ dog, maybe a golden retriever-with 3 legs, and they go walking every day. Hm, I’ll think about that for a minute. I wonder if the dog understands what’s wrong with him…like-does he truly comprehend that he is at much more of a disadvantage than other dogs? His owner knows, but doesn’t seem to cater to it. They both just trudge along. No, they don’t trudge. They walk; Happily. I wish I could understand all that happens in my life. My life in NC is beginning to make more sense-I see where I’m being used for the purposes of God. He truly loves the church here (as He loves all of His church, duh!). However, I’m feeling God’s heart for His people in the beloved Eastern North Carolina. *Bug guts just got onto my laptop, they flew to the light, and I squashed him, Ha!* My life is not my own-we’ve gone through this a lot. I said that I would do God’s will over my own wants…and He’s put my words to the test! I want to continue living that out, in every moment of my life. God-Your will, not mine. Kingdom minded. Hm… I hope I can sleep tonight. Our internet is down, and I surf the web for fun in my restless nights. Tonight-just me and God! For the best. I don’t want to feel lost, I know it’s not true. I’m not lost. Time for truth and my life to line up. Amen. (I just got more bug guts on my screen...this is fun). | | |
| This new Xanga confuses me kind of. I suppose I could figure it, however I have neither the time nor the patience for that! I'm so done with school (in mind, not action). It's really unnecessary. My attitude is kind of that I will learn what I feel truly educates me and advances me in life....but what is pointless and adds only to stress and not to the betterment of me as person-I will ignore! HA! Stick it to the man! Not really, but I am quite against a lot of the structure of a uni. Moving on... Is it possible for my heart to be too soft? I always pray for a soft heart, but now SO many things get me really upset (ie-violence, cancer, people's life stories). My heart is longing more and more for heaven because of the chaos and sadness in this world. I feel I truly understand Paul when he said he would much rather be with the Father, however stays here for the people's sake. I don't want to live here anymore, everything is so sinful and lives are too shattered. However, I must seek to save the world rather than abandon it. Bah. This is short, random, and makes little to no sense. But I'm writing a paper on my good ol buddy Thoreau (this I feel adds to my existence as a human being. Random math formulas and dumb definitions of "hooking up" in my marriage and courtship class...DO NOT). This seems complainy-but I actually am very joyful and satisfied in life. It's been a while in all honesty, but I am now! Praise the LORD! | | |
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